bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
