Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
