it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
