you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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