Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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