there's paper in my vomit.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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