also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
