i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
