I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
