you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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