I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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