remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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