Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
