I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
