Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Boobs speak an international language.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
