Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
