i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
