If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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