he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
