i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
