Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sorry my hands just texted you
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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