Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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