I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
