Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
