yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
