I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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