Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
