Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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