i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
