he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
