I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
