well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
