I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
