I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
