Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
