Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
