Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
