omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
