after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
