I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
