She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
