I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
