yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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