these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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