She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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