matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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