please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I currently don't understand fingers.
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