Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
