the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
