Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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