A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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