used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
