i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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