The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
