We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can text with my tongue
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
