hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
