my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
