I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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