everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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