so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
