I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
