If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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