Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
