with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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