i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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