I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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