Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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