i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
