WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
