had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
