Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
