I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
